An Open Letter To An Animal Abuser

[Chet]

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DOG'S ABUSER

Does anyone know this dog? She was my dog after she was yours. I don't know who you are but God does. I am not here to judge you or condemn you. Your conscience, if you still have one and God, at your judgement, if you don't ask for His forgiveness, will take care of that. I am going to tell you about sweet Bella Rose, though.

The first picture, where she looks so frightened, is the first picture I ever saw of her...at Memphis Animal Services, formerly known as the pound. She was a day away from death and had been thrown away like garbage. I had been wanting a German Shepherd and two loving souls who work at the shelter let me know this one had come in. From the moment I saw her, I couldn't wait to get to her. I knew she needed help and no person or animal should ever feel as afraid as she was obviously feeling. She was terrified. You can see it in her eyes. What you can't see are all the diseases that she was fighting, the ribs that were showing the psychological scars and pain. I wasn't going to let this beautiful, dignified, stately German Shepherd die alone in the shelter. The moment I saw this picture, I named her Bella, which means beautiful. A while later, I began to call her Bella Rose....my beautiful rose. What was your name for her? Did you give her a name or just call her dog? What did you call her, when you were screaming at her or beating her? I know she was beaten because the whole time she was here, even after she trusted me, when I got a broom to sweep the floor, she would cower and quickly move away from it. Here's how Webster's dictionary defines cower: "to shrink away or crouch especially for shelter from something that menaces, domineers, or dismays." She never forgot the beatings.

Why did you hurt her? Was it to make yourself feel powerful? Was it to vent your frustration at your miserable life? Your life has to be miserable for you to be able to hurt an innocent animal....and such a sweet animal. There's never been a sweeter one. No happy person would do something like that.

I got to the shelter that day. Bella could not stand...so I crawled in the cage, helped her to stand up and we slowly walked out to my car...to go home. There was a large, thick, canvas collar on her that we couldn't get off, so a kind shelter worker cut it off for us.

I got her home that first day. My son and I gave her a warm bath outside. Brown "stuff" poured off of her. We didn't know what it was at first, then we realized that it was dried blood, from the hundreds of flea, tick and fly bites that she had endured. Would you ever want to go through something like that? Can you imagine how she had suffered, just from that one problem? They caused terrible diseases in her too but underneath all that sweetness was a fighter and she wanted to live and she over came most of those problems....but not all of them. The next time you get a flea bite, a bug bite or any kind of bite, or maybe poison ivy, a sting, an allergic reaction or itch for any reason, multiply what you are feeling by a few hundred or a few thousand and think of her.

That first day, we couldn't get her clean, so my son carried her upstairs. I put her in the shower, got in with her, soaped her up and let her enjoy the wonderful warm water. She was finally clean. Then my son carried her back outside into the sunshine and fed her another meal. She was starving and all her ribs were showing. I'll bet you have plenty to eat, don't you? The next time you get the slightest bit hungry, or can't get to sleep because of that empty spot in your stomach, think of her.

I took her to the vet the next day. It was found that Bella had intestinal parasites which turned out to be her easiest hurdle to overcome. She also had the most severe case of heartworms that a dog can have and still be alive. I thought of putting her to sleep then, to put her out of her misery but we decided to give her a chance. She went through the difficult treatments. After the first one, when the large worms in her heart and lungs were being killed and eliminated, she coughed and choked until I thought she would die. This went on for days....and nights. I stayed up with her and helped her all I could. There is no more lonely feeling that to be sick and up alone while everyone else is sleeping. What she went through to live is something no one would want to go through. If you are ever sick and coughing, have difficulty breathing for any reason, choking for any reason or suffering a heart attack, some form of cancer or any other illness that causes you to struggle for air........think of her.

When we had her teeth cleaned, or I should say what teeth she had left, there was so much decay that some teeth had to be pulled, including one large tooth that involved cutting into the jawbone. That tooth the vet kept to show students because she had never seen that much disease in a tooth. Just one more painful hurdle for my sweet girl. That much decay had no doubt caused her chronic pain....but we kept her comfortable until she healed. The next time you have a toothache, or are sitting in the dentist's chair and he's coming at you with that needle and that drill, think of her.

Then there were the continual problems with her everyday breathing. It was decided that it was caused by the permanent scarring of her lungs that came with the case of severe heartworms. She lived with this breathing problem most days but we gave her medicines to help her with that and we kept her comfortable so that she could enjoy life, which is the way God intended it. If you come down with any type of illness in your lungs or your heart and you find it difficult to breath, for any reason......think of her.

One day she woke up and had trouble walking. Something was hurting her. The vet found that she had "severe hip dysplasia" and arthritis....two more very painful conditions. One day, if not already, we will all have arthritis. We will wrap ourselves up in a warm blanket and probably curl up with a heating pad to ease the pain. Did you leave her out in the cold in the wintertime? You know how much worse the cold makes the pain. If you ever have arthritis and you are hurting and find it difficult to get up, perhaps walk, or are experiencing any pain at all in your body, for any reason..... think of her.

She finally made it through the treatments. She put on weight little by little. She loved her food. After a while, the vet even told me she needed to loose a few pounds. That was a happy problem to have. She finally did loose that weight, rapidly, when her body erupted with hundreds of sores and lesions from top to bottom, head to toe. Along with the skin eruptions she had terrible diarrhea and was throwing up. She was in pain and felt horrible. Her immune system was shot, no doubt due to her abuse and neglect and the illnesses brought on by such a hard life. She had to go back to the hospital. If you ever have a sore of any kind on your body, if it causes you pain, itching or any discomfort at all, or if you have any stomach problems that cause you to be sick and in pains, if you feel so sick you wish you could die..... think of her.

It was after this last problem that I decided that she had had enough. I wasn't going to let her suffer any longer. Even though we had always kept her comfortable with the medications that she needed and never let her experience any pain if possible, enough was enough. This girl had fought so many battles and she was tired. She never deserved to be abused or neglected. She never deserved to be afraid. She deserved only the best because she was the best. It was time for her to rest.

She was in a safe place when she went back to God. She was surrounded by people who loved her and still do. I was holding her in my arms and talking to her. While the vet was administering the medications that would mercifully stop her suffering, she had a pretty, soft blanket over her and I was showing her a sweet little pink teddy bear that she loved. It had been sent to her by a friend in Pennsylvania who had never even met her but who had heard about what she had been through and what an angel she was. Bella had friends all over this country. They had read about her on the blog I dedicated to her. They had seen her pictures and knew how beautiful she was.

Bella died yesterday and my heart is broken. I can't stop crying. There is a place in my heart and in our home that will never be filled. The only thing that helps me is knowing that I am going to spend the rest of my days working to assure that anyone who hurts an animal will get a proper punishment....and I'm going to do it in her honor and in honor of all suffering animals.

I think I have mentioned most of the physical battles she fought. There have been so many that I may have overlooked a few. Now I want to tell you about the psychological aspects of Bella's life.

The day she came to us, she was terrified, lost, pitiful and mentally broken. She expected to be hit every minute. She didn't wag her tail, or make eye contact. She didn't bark. My son and I hugged her and kissed her and told her we loved her and she was safe....but she didn't know what a hug or a kiss even were. My primary goal was to make up to her whatever had happened to her to bring her to this horrible place. I didn't want her to die only having had a life of suffering. I wanted her to know love, safety, peace, happiness, a family, fun....all the things that every person and every animal should know. It's the way God wants it...and He always has the last word.

I wanted to see her wag her tail one day, bark, feel safe, play, smile, run. She finally did all those things and more. She always lived in the house with us. You kept her outside, didn't you...even during storms and the bitter cold and the heat. She was terrified of storms. The first one we went through together, she got in bed with me, the dog and the cat. It was adorable.

She had no front teeth. She had worn them down trying to either get off of a chain or out of a pen. She would only go out on the patio out back to eat, the bathroom and come right back in. She didn't like to go anywhere else outside, though. It frightened her...so we didn't make her. We let her live the way she wanted to live. She was no trouble. She was perfect. All she wanted was to eat, come in the house, rest close to her family, and sleep on her nice soft bed. That's all. She never asked for much.

Her best friend was our Chihuahua, Petie They made a funny little couple. They were together all the time and if one went somewhere, the other wanted to go too. Petie taught her how to get excited and happy when her family came home. She went from not knowing what that meant to smiling, barking and spinning with delight when one of us came through the back door. It was pure joy to come home to these two. You always knew you were loved and had been missed. Bella and the cat had a running game. They liked to kind of tease each other. They both had a lot of fun with this.

Bella would look at me for hours and I would look at her. There was a lot of love that flowed between the two of us and I talked to her all the time. I told her what a pretty girl she was and how much I loved her. I promised her that I would never let anyone hurt her again. She protected me, too. Nobody was going to bother me when they saw Bella. She looked fierce and she had a very intimidating bark but underneath, she was a sweet doll baby.

She loved for me to rub her tummy and her back and when she wanted to play or get a tummy rub she would turn her head a certain way and wag her tail It was adorable. She would smile and make those happy noises that they make and I would laugh and give her kisses. Some days she didn't feel well, though, and when she was sick at night and would wake up, I would hum a little lullaby to her and she would go right back to sleep....just like a little baby. She and Petie and I all slept in the same room. Whenever I woke up during the night, I would look down, and there was sweet Bella Rose, asleep on her soft bed. It was a wonderful feeling. One night, she started wagging her tail in her sleep! She must have been having a happy dream. It was so sweet.

She had the most beautiful brown eyes. They were full of love, sweetness and thanksgiving. She appreciated her new life so much and she told me that all the time, in so many ways. I was grateful for the love she gave to me and the happiness that she brought into our home. She was a gift from God and she was a soulmate. It is one of my greatest hopes, that when it is my time to die, I will see Bella standing there. I want to see those pretty brown eyes again and that sweet face. I want her to help me over, like I helped her over. I'd go anywhere with Bella. I would never be afraid if she was at my side and I know she felt the same way about me.

Bella would have done all these things for you, too. She was full of love and light and goodness. All you would have had to do was love her and be kind to her, the way God wanted you to be. She would have protected you. She would have died for you. You missed so much.

I've heard people say things like...."it's just a dog or it's just an animal." Have you ever realized that dog is God spelled backwards? I think it is because they reflect His image in their love, loyalty, forgiveness, sweetness and need for us. All they want is to be with us and for us to love them and in turn, they want to love us and to protect us. God is like that too. That is why He created us....to share love.

He also created all the animals and that in itself gives them worth and dignity. They are His and we are to be kind to them. We have no right to hurt them. Whoever does hurt them will have to answer to Him.

There have been so many times that I have wanted to hurt you. I wanted to do to you what you did to her because God knows, she didn't deserve it. I'm letting all that go, though. What goes around comes around and there will be some way that God will obtain justice for her and for all animals who suffer at the hands of cruel people. What He does to you will be much worse than whatever I could do to you. If you don't change and ask for forgiveness for what you did, you will be punished. I can't say that that thought bothers me, though it probably should if I were a better person....but I'm not. I'm just a person who is stuck now with a Bella shaped hole in my heart and I truly want you to know how much you hurt her, how good she was, how much I loved her and how much I miss her.

To you, to anyone who is fighting dogs or hurting animals in any way.....please stop. They can feel every single thing that we can feel, both physically and mentally. Anything you can feel, they feel too....both the good and the bad. Please think about that. Do unto them as you would want it done unto you.

If you have any shred of humanity left in you, any compassion or goodness, think about their feelings....think about their suffering. They are God's creatures. He created them and He loves them. He will speak for them one day. He will have the last word and He will come down on the side of love. He will defend the helpless and those who have been hurt. He will punish those who have hurt them. It may happen in this life or it may happen in the next....but it will not go unpunished.

It's not too late for you to change and to make it up to the animals, to God and to yourself. You can't feel good deep down inside knowing that you have caused one of God's innocent creatures to suffer so terribly.

To my sweet Bella Rose. I love you baby girl, with all my heart. I miss you so much. Thank you for all the love you gave to me. We had fun, didn't we? Petie and Ollie say hello too. The house just isn't the same without you. Enjoy your new life, angel. You deserve to be happy and well. I'll see you again, sweet girl. Love, Mama.